Okay, so I've got a vested interest in this one... but, landlady ranting aside, it's just been reported that BRITISH PEOPLE ARE HAPPIEST IN THE PUB.
It's been scientifically proven that drinking beer and sitting in the pub makes us feel good. Tell us something we don't know I hear you cry .... but there are generations that actually don't.
Is there a direct correlation in the rise of social anxiety and isolation with our pubs calling time for good? Old folks might be missing their post offices and community centres but at least they can go to one of 10 zillion garden centres (all about the easy access and toilets don't you know...).
But young people are using pubs less. I propose they take a leaf out of us Generation X-ers and Baby Boomers who, incidentally, I look forward to mingling with later.
With that in mind, and for the folks planning to spend their evening swiping tinder on their sofa.... here are my Top 5 reasons to go to the pub tonight... (number 5 is my favourite).
1. Pubs make you feel good. Malted barley, used in most beers, contains 'hordenine' which activates a desire to eat and drink for pleasure rather than hunger. And then the brain fills with dopamine which makes us happy. FACT.
2. Our pub gives you value for money! Our pints are 10% cheaper than the national average - and in our own county of Oxfordshire. Feel for the poor souls in London who are paying up to 6 quid now for less than a pint in a can that looks like Tango pop from the 80s...
3. Pubs give you a sense of belonging. Editor of The Good Pub Guide, Fiona Stapley said; "We feel we belong, we matter and for a while the cares and clutter of daily life can be left behind." Christ, you might actually meet Mr Tinder instead of just checking him out online...
4. Your pubs need you. This country has lost A THIRD of its pubs since the 70s. The licensed and catering trade, much like our high streets, are being taken over by huge chains (many of whom avoid paying their taxes by taking their money overseas). So by going to the pub, at least a freehold one, you are supporting an independent, small business.
5. It's a REET LAFF.
Mines a glass of redders. Bottoms up darlings!